My Favorite Conspiracy Theory

Posted September 11th, 2007 by

You get used to seeing crazy and paranoid people tucked into the corners of DC. It’s what we have here.

Well, a couple of months ago, I was at a coffee shop (OK, it was Starbucks, my wife is a ho for their saccarine-sweet marketing, you can take away my burly-man exterior and give me a “yuppie” brand now) in Dupont Circle.

So anyway, there was this guy in there in a wheelchair and his own table who was selling pictures.  Yes, he was 95% con artist, but that’s OK.  The important part was his stories which were utterly whacked.

According to this guy, he was a colonel in the Air Force and has broken up his knee during a HALO jump.  He was an Arabic and Russian translator and was ethnically Ukranian.  Well, we can play that game, right?  Note to others:  never claim to speak a language in DC, NY, or Monterey unless you can actually speak the thing.  I probed him in Russian, all he knew was a couple standard phrases–more along the lines of tourist lingo than anything.

But now the best part is this: He claimed that Colin Powell was in actuality named “Colon” as in the Spanish version of “Christopher Columbus”.  This is a result of Powell’s Basque background which was covered up in order to appeal to the African-American vote for the Republicans.

Yes, you read right.  Basque.  Who knew? =)

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Posted in Odds-n-Sods | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1.  Darren Couch Says:

    Reminds me of the time I HALO jumped into the mekong delta with my trusty dog Skittles and nothing but a spork. That is no Shit. I was a light bird Colonel in the Navy with Air Assault wings and a penchant for cheap Merlot. I was there on a secret mission to recover the microfilm proving that the Amercian Government had actually been replaced by the Aliens who had crash landed at Roswell. Now I wasn’t so hot on working for aliens, but a job’s a job.

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